Just a little longer
by Kerra-Chan
Summary: I don't know how to summarize this story. Karkat is depressed an remembers things, he cuts to forget it all. Humanstuck. Hints of TerezixKarkat and NepetaxKarkat.


_I'm pissed off and upset so I'm going to take it out on my writing. Don't care if you enjoy or don't really care. I just need to vent. Not even going to bother checking for spelling mistakes and shit. _

_This is Humanstuck. It sucks that I'm starting out my first story in the wonderful world of Homestuck fandom with this shitty piece of work. _

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-Karkat's Pov-

I really, really wish to punch something, anything, just to expel some of these useless feelings inside of me. I hated how sensitive I was to everything, how Dave could just be joking about assault and fathers and I'd blow up.

How I would make a complete fool of myself about it and catch Gamzee's worried glance as I stormed out the room.

"Fuck!" I yelled punching the wall, glad that I had taken the furthest room from everybody else. I cursed once more as I cradled my bruised hand to my chest. Sitting down on my bed I punched my pillow this time clenching my teeth at the pain, more words escaping me, I hadn't noticed but in the time I'd been abusing my pillow I had started to cry.

Tears fell down my face, droplets wetting the pillow and leaving gray spots on the otherwise white surface. Why? Why couldn't I just forget? Forget any of that stuff had happened. That it was all just a terrible nightmare. A nightmare that would continue to haunt me for as long as I could tell.

My body shook as I started to sob angry tears of shame and disgust. Shame because I was forever tainted and alone, disgust because I had done nothing to stop it. "You couldn't have done anything" they all had said to me many times over and over. "This is sadly a common occurrence." They would say afterwards looking at me pitifully. I didn't need they're pity and I surely didn't need them telling me it wasn't my fault. I knew it wasn't my fault, but they was a small voice in the back of my mind who would say otherwise. It would constantly pick at me and whisper my insecurities back to me like I already didn't know them.

The worst part is I knew it was partially true. All the things it would say we're almost always true. I couldn't love anyone and nobody would love me. Terezi along with Nepeta had proven that, they both had left me after I'd proven to much for them. My constant pushing them away and distant attitude had driven them to leave me. I acted as if I didn't care and it worked until the voice showed up and started its verbal beatings. But I had found a way to cope with it.

Yes, I found a way to cope with these infernal feelings of mine. Instead of seeking help I turned to cutting. The first time I had done it was right after Nepeta broke it off with me, it was the final straw and I was in desperate need of an outlet. No longer suppressing my feelings worked they just drove me wild with insanity. I was glad that I wore the long sleeved shirt I did or I could have possibly landed myself into a shit load of trouble. Not that any of the others would care. They had shown that when they hadn't even bothered to check on me since I had stormed out.

Standing up I headed the bathroom connected to my room were I could let loose. Rummaging in the drawer under the sink I gave a sad smile as I pulled out the switch blade I kept in there. It was a small thing but it did the job. Rolling up my sleeve and flipping the blade open I brought the cool blade down on my skin. A light hiss escaped my clenched mouth as the knife cut my already marred skin, blood starting to seep out from the self inflicted wound. Sobs racked my body again as tears quickly fell from my eyes. Dragging the blade across my wrist again I quickly grabbed an unused wash cloth and stuffed into my mouth so my cries would not be heard. Even if my room was the farthest I couldn't risk the chance of anyone hearing me.

I screamed as I cut rather deeply into my skin, glad that I had gagged myself. Yes, this always helped me. Always helped me to forget, even if only for a little while, it still helped.

Taking the blade into my other hand I rolled up my other sleeve careful not to get any blood on it. Doing the same to my other arm I watched as the red substance seeped from the openings. The beautiful crimson was like paint and my skin was the canvas. What a work of art I did, what an amazing artist I was.

"Karkat" A voice sounded at my bedroom door making me panic slightly. "Karkat I know your in there, I just want to apologize."

Oh it was Strider. Taking out my makeshift gag, I cleared my throat before answering him. "I'll be there in a fucking second." Quickly turning on the faucet I hissed slightly as I let the water wash away the blood. Rinsing the blade I put it back in its original place before drying my arms and rolling my sleeves back down. I'd wrap them later. I flushed the toilet as though to make it seem I had gotten out, I made sure I didn't look like complete shit before getting out to let him into my room.

"What do you fucking want Strider?" I asked a little venom tingeing my voice.

"I just wanted to apologize if I offended you. You know since it isn't cool or ironic to offend a brother." He said his voice sounding apologetic even if his face didn't show it. Always the poker face, this asshole was.

"Yeah, yeah. Whatever. I don't give a fuck. I was just pissed off from something earlier." I replied frowning a bit as I felt blood still coming from the wounds.

"Yeah, okay. Just wanted to make sure. No hard feelings?" He asked holding out his fist.

"No hard feelings fuckass." I replied fist bumping him, smiling a little.

"By the way, want to get something to eat John brought pizza over and I don't wanna miss out."

"Yeah, I'll be there just gotta fucking do something."

"Alright I'll make sure to save you a few pieces." Dave said turning around and leaving.

Sighing I went back into the bathroom and wrapped my wounds up. Heh I guess I can live this useless life a little longer. Just a little longer. Turning around I gave myself a final look before tuning around a leaving to go downstairs.

Yeah...just a little longer...

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_So...yeah...didn't really know where this story was headed. Oh well *shrugs* I'm not as sad and angry as I was beginning this so I feel slightly better. Anyways bye. _


End file.
